You're Not in Kansas Anymore Toto!

October 23rd, 2009

2 weeks and 2 days postpartum

It's been a little over two weeks since our daughter, Mia Renee arrived in the world. I've been meaning to write down everything that's been happening but being a new mother has been a little draining to say the least.

I can't believe how fast time goes by. I remember everything from the morning of October 7th like it was yesterday. I woke up and took a very long bath because I knew that I was going to be in the hospital for at least 4 days and I wanted my last moments of serenity to be as long lasting as possible.

My mother drove us to the hospital and we were immediately escorted into a room about the size of small prison cell, except without the bars. I remember thinking how strange it was because I had a scheduled C-Section and it was as if I was going to the market to pick up some eggs and milk. I had gotten my hair and nails done the day before and even put on a little makeup for the surgery. It was all very dignified.

A nurse came in and began to insert an IV into my left hand and even though she kept reminding me that she has been working at the hospital for years, she kept missing my vein. Blood was seeping beneath the tape she used to keep the needle secure. I liken the pain to what detainees at Guantanamo must have endured while they were being water boarded.

After the IV we headed to the surgery room. The room was extremely bright and sterile. Not at all what I imagined it would be but then again, most people are usually unconscious when they are in an operating room and I was wide awake. My husband was asked to wait outside at first while I was given a spinal block to numb me before the doctor performed the C-Section. I soon realized why they keep the husbands outside of the room when they do this because I mistakenly turned around and saw a needle the size of my arm getting ready to be inserted into my spine. Apparently, many a husband fainted at the site of the needle thus causing all kinds of damage to the equipment so now the man has to stay out. I would have fainted too but I was 39 weeks pregnant and my doctor was holding my hands so fainting simply wasn't an option. The doctors, nurses and anesthesiologist waited patiently for the drug to take affect. Much to their chagrin and mine, I wasn't getting numb. After several minutes they switched to plan "B". Plan "B" was another, more invasive shot in my back. This was what they called an epidural. Once I digested the fact that I was a freak of nature and I would have to have yet another shot in my back, I closed my eyes and held my breath...again. This time it worked!

I was laid down and a sheet was draped in front of my face--another way to protect me from seeing whatever it is they were going to do to me during the C-Section. My husband was brought in and sat right next to me. We were calm, unusually so given the enormity of what was about to happen. The doctors put on my husband's IPod and I started humming along to "Red Red Wine". I wondered how it was possible for the doctors to be listening to music while performing surgery on me and I started to think that this could very easily be an episode of Grey's Anatomy sans McSteamy or McDreamy.

After several minutes I heard the doctor say "ok I'm bringing her out". Then I heard him say "whoa big baby!" He lifted her up and my husband was able to video tape her. She was whisked over to another table where my husband got to cut the umbilical cord. They weighed her and announced she weighed a whopping 10lbs and almost 1 ounce. When I heard that I yelled out "what"?? They then brought her over to me and put her next to my face. When I saw her big cheeks and large amounts of dark brown hair, I knew she was mine! After 9 1/2 months of carrying her in my belly, it was so nice to finally meet her. She was more gorgeous than I ever could have imagined and because she was so big, her features seemed more developed than those of a regular-sized newborn. She is my little girl and is going to teach me a lot about being mom. I can't wait!

The Home Stretch

9/14/09

9 months pregnant


Whew! With my ever-expanding belly now resting comfortably on my thighs, I am eagerily awaiting my little girl's arrival into the world. Since I'm now 36 weeks pregnant, I have had to go to see my obstetrician, Dr. Rothbart twice a week for 2-part appointments. The first part, I have to do what's called a "stress test". I don't have to run on a treadmill or anything (God forbid). I just lie down and they hook me up to a heart monitor to make sure my daughter's heart is nice and strong and her movement is good. My husband plays music from his IPhone like the Beatles, Queen and Fleetwood Mac and sure enough, Mia kicks and turns so it makes me, a big music-lover happy to know she has good taste. My doctor is thrilled when he sees the heart monitor readings with lots of peaks and valleys and so are Mia's parents. The only uncomfortable thing about this test is the lying down part. It seems that Mia has made my bladder a pillow and whenever I lie on my back, the urge to pee is as strong as ever. I try very hard to concentrate on anything other than need to relieve myself during the 30 minute test but sometimes it's very hard. The nurse told me that she's even seen women relieve themselves right on the table. That hasn't been me thankfully but I see how easy it can be.

The second part of my appointment is an ultrasound. I've been waiting for this! The other day we saw Mia's face very clearly for the first time in a while. She has enormous cheeks and beautiful lips even though she appeared to be rather squished. I would swear she was waiving at me with her tiny hand. I just can't wait to squeeze her cheeks! Technology is really amazing. I wonder what it's going to be like when Mia is old enough to read this blog?

I feel like my doctor's office is a home away from home. Everyone is so familiar. I even use the refrigerator to store my homemade lunch in while I'm there. I wonder if this is how everyone feels towards the end.

Even though I'm sweating profusley as I write this, I found some unwanted stretch-marks, my hands itch, I don't have ankles but cankles, I haven't been able to eat anything sweet in months, my stomach is so large and low that it feels like I'm carrying a bowling ball between my legs, I can't sleep, my under-arms are discolored, I drool, my right eye tears up and I've gained...gulp 65 pounds (is it possible to gain weight in your nose), I don't think there is anything more wonderful than feeling my daughter move and knowing that in less than 4 weeks, she will be in my arms falling asleep to the rock & roll lullaby CDs my good friend Jodi gave us. As hard as it's been, the miracle of pregnancy is really just that a true miracle...

Ms. Clean

August 28th, 2009

8 months pregnant


I was just finishing my lunch at my desk because it's so hot outside and my husband made me a very yummy dinner last night so I had even yummier leftovers. Due to my gestational diabetes, my husband has become quite the gourmet. He made me grilled chicken and onions with a whole wheat tortilla and cheddar cheese. I ate only a part of what he made and brought the rest with me to to work today. As I went to bite down into my delicious taco concoction, a wayward grilled onion went flying out of the back and landed right on my bright blue shirt. There's no getting around it. My shirt has a huge stain on it from a combination of oil, onions and cheese. This incident forced me to remember last night when I was going through my nightly ritual of picking out what to wear to work the following morning.

I used to never have to wonder what to wear because everything in my closet fit me. Now, not so much. My pregnancy clothes are getting tighter and tighter as I get closer to my delivery date so in order for me not to panic and run late in the morning, I usually try something on the night before, pray that it fits, and hope that with the right use of accessories and attitude, I might look less like the Macy's Day Parade float I feel like and more like Heidi Klum during her pregnancy. I've never managed to feel like Heidi Klum but I have found a happy medium.

Lately, when I've gone into my closet to pick out my clothes, I've noticed that on most of my tops and certain areas on my dresses, there are stains. I do wash my clothes every time I wear them but I guess a hot pink Old Navy dress can only take so much falling chicken, peaches, oil, peanut butter or whatever before it decides enough is enough. I will count today's oil/onion calamity as another stain to add to my large collection of stained maternity clothes. The main problem is that my belly is so large, I can only get so close to a table or my desk to eat. Therefore, whatever inadvertently misses my mouth winds up on my stomach. I probably could suck down whole meals off of what is leftover on my clothes, but I'm too much of a lady to ever do something like that.

Those who know me, know I do love clothes and to have clothes with stains on them is just not ok. Thankfully, I only have to endure 5 more weeks of this before I can slowly start to assimilate myself back into the world of the fashion-forward. I still window-shop online and salivate when I see a pair of gorgeous leather skinny jeans. I can't wait to start wearing shoes that have heals and don't start with the name "flip". Until then, I will continue to stare down at my newly-stained shirt and marvel as I watch my little girl kick me from the inside.

The Learning Curve

August 24th, 2009

33 Weeks pregnant


Yesterday, Danny and I took a parenting class. We learned all about what happens after a baby is born. A lot goes into to making sure the baby is ok and healthy. The hospital will test for everything under the sun within hours after the birth. They will test for all kinds of diseases and will test her hearing by putting little headphones over her ears. So wild! They also talked about how important skin-to-skin contact is. When Mia arrives, the doctor will place her right on my chest. We learned that the first 60 minutes after a baby is born is called the "Golden Hour". Skin to skin contact is very important for bonding. I can't wait to do that with Mia!

In addition to the tests the hospital does after the baby is born, we learned how to diaper a baby, how to swaddle a baby and how to bathe a baby. We were each given a baby doll to practice on. It was hilarious to watch the husbands play with their dolls. Some would turn the heads completely around ala The Exorcist, while others would take their doll's arms and legs and put them in completely inappropriate positions, much to the chagrin of their wives. My husband was no better. Even so, he did a stellar job when it came to diapering. I'm so afraid of bodily fluids, even my own that I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the diaper "mess" situation when it occurs, and it will most definitely occur. Everyone says that when it comes to "gross out factor" it's different when it's your child. I'll have to reserve my judgement until the time comes but for now, I'm very lucky that Danny does not get easily wigged-out by bodily fluids and he realizes that there will be many a dirty diaper to be changed in his future.

Swaddling is interesting too. A neighbor of ours just had a baby boy that we were fortunate to see a week after he was born. He was being taken out of his car seat and he was crying and fussy. He was not very happy but when she took him upstairs and wrapped the swaddling blanket around him, he stopped crying almost instantly. Apparently, babies love to be wrapped up like little mummies because it reminds them of being in the womb. That feeling must definitely fade with time because when I recently got a body wrap at high-end spa, all I could think about was the itch on my nose and the fact that my hands were bound by thick layers of seaweed. Not fun. But for most babies, swaddling is a comfort like no other so I have to say I got pretty good at it.

Only 5 1/2 weeks left until my little one comes into the world and there is still so much to learn. I just ordered cotton balls and baby shampoo and I'm sure there are going to be plenty of things we're going to need that we'll find out about after I give birth. Until now, I will continue to perfect my swaddling technique until my little angel blesses us with her arrival.

Moving Mia

August 14th, 2009

8 months pregnant

I was never what one would call graceful. I never floated on air like a ballerina, even though I did try to take ballet classes when I young. I lasted one class. As a child I would play "safe games" like Red-Rover but when the other kids said, "red-rover, red-rover send Laura right over", I eagerly ran through the arms of my friends and smacked into a wall hidden behind bushes. I had a huge gash on my nose for weeks. Needless to say, as a grown-up, I'm no better. Last year, I tripped over my seat belt as I was getting out of my car and my ankle still isn't quite the same. I've become accustomed to finding new bruises and scars and what's most disturbing, I can't decipher from all of the bumping into walls and tripping which bruise belongs to which stumble or tumble.

Lately, as my pregnancy progresses, sometimes I feel like a Sherpa that is carrying around an extra wide-load, while climbing Mt. Everest. Every time I stand-up from a sitting position I need to take an extra few seconds to steady myself because I can very easily topple over, just like Humpty Dumpty, but unlike Mr. Dumpty, I don't even need a wall to fall off of. Just walking to say the bathroom--because lately that is my home away from home, seems like a journey full of landmines. I have to be very cautious because one small move and I'm done. I know that because I'm carrying so much additional weight the laws of gravity are just pulling me forward, kind of like those toys called Weebles. Even the song, "weebles wobble but they don't fall down". Well, I'm the one Weeble that CAN fall down.

Walking is one thing but trying to pick up something I dropped on the floor is another endurance test. I was just eating my lunch and some bits fell on the floor, which isn't terribly shocking these days. What is shocking, is the energy I put forth trying to lower myself from my chair to the floor. I find myself having to breathe in a Lamaze-like fashion in order to pick-up a piece of wayward chicken. Why can't my food just stay on the plate or in my mouth? On the flip-side, although I'm clumsier than ever before and can no longer bend down or reach for things, the angel that is Mia inside my belly constantly reminds me that she's here. She is moving so much lately and for a mother-to-be, these movements are extremely comforting. She's even moving now as I write this. I can't wait to meet her after all of this time. I wonder if she likes chicken?

Tickle My Belly Button!

August 6th, 2009

31 Weeks pregnant


The other night I had the strangest dream and even though strange dreams are to be expected while one is expecting, this dream really disturbed me. I only remember bits and pieces but what I do remember was strange.

A lot of things happen to a woman's body during pregnancy. As I've been writing this blog, I've explained some of those things in great detail. One of the less significant things that usually happens is while the belly is stretching, a once adorable "inny" belly button, now is a gigantic "outty". It just happened one day and to me, it looks like an eye that's bulging out of my stomach, which leads me to my dream...

I dreamt that my belly button stuck so far out of my stomach that it actually started to look like a flower with a long stem. In my dream, I clearly remember being frightened that I would have to walk around with this on my stomach and I also pondered how I would get dressed with this inexplicable bulge where my once cute belly button used to be. Even though it was just a dream, I now find myself looking down in the morning to make sure my belly button hasn't grown anymore than the norm. I still marvel at the way my belly button looks under clothes, particularly the kinds of clothes that highlight my pregnancy. I can't imagine that it will go back to the way it used to look before but from all accounts, it will. Only 8 more weeks to go and I'm counting the days...Can't wait to see what happens next!

Gifts That Keep On Giving

July 27th, 2009

7 1/2 months pregnant


When special moments happen in a person's life, the opportunity to glimpse how truly wonderful family and friends are is a blessing. I am so happy knowing that Mia will be surrounded by the most amazing people ever.

My father and stepmother graciously offered to throw us a co-ed baby shower that is supposed to take place at the end of this week. My husband, like the majority of men has never been to a baby shower. He is naturally expecting baby shower games, the opening of gifts surrounded by huge puffs of pink and the inevitable oohs and aah's that invariably come after a gift is open. I have been to such showers and even I have found myself checking for the closest exit for where I might duck out without being noticed. Don't get me wrong. I'm always overjoyed when a friend or family member gets pregnant. I, personally just don't love being the center of attention, which is why when the idea of a co-ed baby shower came up, I jumped at the chance to allow some of the spotlight to be taken away from me and moved over to my much more animated husband, Danny. Plus, there will be lots of drinking (not me), and eating yummy hors d'oeuvres (definitely me) so it will be more like a big party as opposed to a typical baby shower.

Even though the shower isn't until Saturday, we have already received some gifts such as car seats, stroller, bibs, a bathtub, adorable onesies, a swing and other items we either registered for or our much-more astute friends and family got us knowing what we will likely need at one time or another.

The thing is, everything we have received, especially the bigger items come in gigantic boxes with a set of instructions that seem to be written in hieroglyphics. Even the accompanying diagrams, that I guess are supposed to be helpful, may as well be pictures of car engines. They just make no sense. It took my husband one hour to figure out how the stroller worked, using the "enclosed directions". It took me 2 minutes to get totally frustrated and store it in our closest. We are going to have to hire someone to come to our home to show us how to properly install a car seat, even though instructions were included with that too. I didn't realize I would need a degree in Engineering in order to figure out the diaper genie. My friend Kim, who gave me the diaper genie, gave it to me almost all put together already. Granted, it took her father 25 minutes on the floor of a store to assemble what is essentially a trash can for diapers and he is a carpenter. For me, trying to put in the "trash bag" part of the diaper genie was an exercise in patience to say the least.

I guess my point is, with all of the stress and anxiety that new parents are already having to deal with, why can't the manufacturer's of these necessary baby items make them more well, adult friendly? I don't think one should have to be a Rhodes Scholar to be able to attach the padding to the sides of an infant bathtub yet by the look of flimsy instructions, that's exactly what we're expected to be.

Thankfully, I know some people who already have children of their own that I can commiserate with. These people have been invaluable source of information. I love each and every one of them and can't wait to see them this weekend at our shower. You are all my heroes!

The Heat is On!

July 22, 2009


7 months pregnant


There are many lovely symptoms that spring up while one is pregnant; swollen feet, scratchy belly, numbness in fingers, frequent urination, weight gain and my new favorite, high body temperature.

Last night, while I was making my best attempt to sleep I started to think about how much our air-conditioning bill is going to be. Lately, it's been 85+ degrees in Los Angeles and don't even get me started on how much hotter it's been in the valley where I work. Because my body temperature is elevated due to the extra baby hormones surging through it, to say I'm hot is an understatement. There are not enough fans in the world that will cool me down at this point nor is there enough ice. Because it's so much hotter for me than the average human at night especially, I'm forced to run our air conditioner all night long. Every evening lately, my husband huddles up under tons of blankets in an effort to stay warm in what must feel to him like a blizzard in our bedroom. I have a new appreciation for how our dog, Lana feels in warm weather since she has a permanent fur coat. That's how I feel, like I'm wearing a floor length fur coat that's been super-glued to my body and I don't even believe in wearing fur!

The other day, while I was waddling to my car in Studio City, I felt sweat between my thighs and when I went to sit down, my thighs stuck together! When I tried to get out of my car, I realized that I was so sweaty I actually stuck to the black leather seats and had to literally pull myself out. I've heard of people becoming one with their cars but this was ridiculous. By the way, black on black cars in the Summer while one is pregnant, not a good idea. I will re-think my choices next time I go to buy a car.

Even with this new sweaty issue I'm ok with knowing there are only 10 weeks left before I can finally meet my daughter. Until then, I will stay indoors and soak up the cool breeze of man-made air.

Sugar High

July 17th, 2009

7 months pregnant


As part of being pregnant, going to the doctor's office is par for the course. When you first find out you're expecting, you generally make an appointment right away and then the doctor will ask to see you on a 2 to 3 week basis. I always got excited to see the doctor because I knew there would be an ultrasound involved, where my husband I could look on a monitor and actually see our little girl growing. Each time, I would anticipate some new change that I might see but usually, she would end up looking like a beautiful blob and my doctor would try his hardest to help me see where her heart other organs are located.

After 5 months of pregnancy my doctor only required me to come in once a month and when I did see him, I wouldn't have another ultrasound again until 35 weeks of pregnancy. I asked him why I wouldn't be having ultrasound because my child/blob is gorgeous and who wouldn't want to spend their day staring at her on a monitor? My doctor kindly informed me that although his idea of a perfect day would be to stare at my daughter on a monitor, it just isn't necessary as he can measure the size of my uterus from my belly button and doesn't need to know too much more than that until I'm almost due.
I suppose I was ok with not seeing Mia for a while until I had to take the glucose test.

At about 26 weeks of pregnancy, almost all woman are required to take a glucose screening test to find out if gestational diabetes is present. In order to take this test, you have to drink this very sweet drink that tastes like flat 7-Up and an hour later, you have your blood drawn. If you're borderline or over, you go to the next level of testing, which is almost the same except you drink twice the amount of concentrated sweet liquid and you're blood is drawn every hour for 3 hours straight. Almost 30% of woman do not pass the first test, myself included. That percentage lowers slightly after the 3-hour test happens. I was borderline on the second test as well so that means I have a slight case of gestational diabetes.

Here's the science behind Gestational Diabetes: Gestational diabetes affects 4-7 percent of all pregnant woman giving it the distinction of being the most common pregnancy complication. The placenta supports the baby as it grows and hormones from the placenta help the baby develop. Sometimes, for unknown reasons, these hormones block the mother's insulin in her body making it hard for her body to use insulin. Pregnant woman use up to three times more insulin. Gestational diabetes starts when your body is not able to make and use all the insulin it needs for your body. Without enough insulin, glucose cannot leave the blood and be changed into energy. Glucose builds up in the blood to high levels.

Doctors do not want the glucose levels to get too high because the baby's pancreas has to make extra insulin to get rid of the blood glucose. Since the baby is getting more energy than it needs to grow the extra energy is stored as fat, potentially leading to a very large baby.

The good news is that once I deliver Mia into the world, this condition will go away. The bad news, I now have to diet and prick my finger--with a needle--4 times a day in order to make sure my blood sugar stays level. Needless to say, diet & pregnancy go together about as well as performing brain surgery while doing push-ups. However, if you do follow the plan, it is totally manageable and treatable.

So, I spent 2 hours yesterday meeting with a dietitian to discuss ways to manage my glucose intake. It does not require me to cut out all carbs but rather, to eat small amounts of carbs and other foods more often throughout the day. After my 2 hour meeting, they took me to an ultrasound room where I got to see a 4-dimensional image of Mia's face! We could see details like her ears and her lips and her little hand that was curled up underneath her chin. It was the coolest thing ever and I even get to come back in a few weeks for another ultrasound. So, even though I have to diet and prick my finger I realize it's small price to pay for the beauty that is Mia...

The Doctor Is In

July 15th, 2009

7 months pregnant


As my never-ending list of baby needs grows, I'm constantly fascinated about the things you never really think about unless you HAVE to think about them.

My husband and I decided to start "interviewing" pediatricians. I never thought much about pediatricians before I became pregnant. Why would I? But, when you're expecting you must find a doctor for your future child. The interview process is really just us sitting down and chatting with a potential doctor. We tried to come up with questions that make sense but since neither one of us ever went to medical school, our questions mostly consisted of discussing Jenny McCarthy's take on shots and Autism and how good she looks in a swimsuit next to Jim Carrey.

Picking a doctor for Mia was a daunting task. First of all, you have to find a doctor that takes your insurance, which it lately seems like NOBODY does. I keep asking myself why I'm even paying for insurance since no doctor worth their weight in gold takes it anymore. Then, even if you do have a list of doctors that take your insurance, you have to hope that the doctors you want to meet are good doctors and not the kind that got their PH D's from Devry or the University of Tijuana. Finally, you have to set up what I refer to as meet & greets where you basically sit down with the potential doctor and try to get a feel for what he or she is like. Granted, the doctors allot maybe 15 minutes for these meetings so I'm not sure how anyone can make a decision that essentially has parents handing over their child for care for the next 18 to 20 years. Sure, you can look around the office and marvel at the various diplomas on the wall but how do I know if this will be the right doctor for Mia?

We interviewed 3 doctors. All of them happened to be close by our house and all them had very impressive diplomas on the wall. They all clearly care about children and work hard to make life easier for the parents. They all are good doctors but at the end of the day, we had to go with our gut instincts (since my gut is the largest my instinct won). We have decided to go with Dr. Francis Pang. She used to be the head of Pediatrics at Cedars Sinai, where I will be delivering Mia and she even went to Harvard! She is also young and seems to have her finger on the pulse when it comes to the latest scientific breakthroughs. I also really liked the fact that her waiting room was clean and my husband liked the fact that the waiting room had a television in it. There is also 2 separate entrances, one for sick kids and one for well kids. The one for crazy kids is still in the works. I kid :) So, thanks Dr. Pang. We'll see you in October and beyond!

Color Me Confused

July 10th, 2009

27 weeks pregnant


In the wake of Michael Jackson's death, many people have been speaking out. Some say he was a genius whose musical and dancing talents surpassed even those of Elvis Presley and some say his memorial tribute, that was watched by almost half a billion people was something we will never again see in our lifetime. However, there are other more sinister people out there who are focusing not on the talent that Michael Jackson brought us, but on the bizarre way he chose to live his life. He did take far too many prescription drugs, which probably lead to his death and he did do an inordinate amount of plastic surgery. A lot of the plastic surgery controversy stems from the fact that the once African American Michael Jackson "bleached" himself so much that he actually looked Caucasian in the end. Whatever he did, the 50 year-old Michael did not at all resemble the 10 year-old Michael Jackson that burst onto the scene in the 60's as the front voice for the Jackson 5.

Why am I bringing this up on my pregnancy blog? Well, I was noticing that Michael Jackson's skin color changed so drastically throughout the years. Whether he did have a skin pigment disorder as he strongly claimed or whether he used plastic surgery and creams to remove the pigment from his dark skin is something I can relate to on a much, much smaller scale.

I was shaving my under arms and I noticed that the skin is quite dark, too dark in my opinion. It just appeared one day---like magic or more like a curse. I have always been VERY particular about shaving under my arms. It's part of my daily routine. I can't imagine how some women live with full blown hairy armpits. That time on the red carpet when Julia Roberts waved and her unshaven armpits were there on full display, she said she forgot to shave. I NEVER forget. So, when I started to shave this morning and noticed the darkening skin I naturally became alarmed and wondered, what kind of skin bleaching cream did Michael Jackson use because I really need some. The other skin issues I'm noticing are the once flat, tiny moles on my belly now look gigantic. I'm not sure it's because my skin is stretching or what but the moles that were once sort of cute are now just not.

Upon consulting my bible, "What to Expect When You're Expecting", I was relieved to read that skin discoloration is yet another normal part of pregnancy. Hormonal changes happening in a pregnant woman's body take over and darker pigment tends to become much more defined. Hormones can darken moles, create darker skin color in frequently shaved areas and even create unsightly blotches on a woman's face. I'm glad at least the latter hasn't happened to me...yet. In a world where "normal" has taken on a whole new meaning, I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Maybe Michael Jackson had hormone issues after all.

Breathe Baby Breathe

July 6th, 2009

27 Weeks pregnant

A few nights ago I was in a rare state of sleep. I think I was dreaming. I was most definitely drooling and sweating. Then, something unexpected and kind of frightening happened. I woke up in a panic, gasping for air! It felt like my throat was tightening up and I couldn't inhale deeply enough to fill my lungs with air. Of course in my panic I woke up my husband, who in his state of unconsciousness kindly offered to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Between mini-breathes, I managed to get out the fact that I wasn't choking on food. After a few moments of steady gasps while sitting up straight, I started to relax. I thought for a little while and realized that Mia must have been laying or pushing on my lungs! As the baby inside gets bigger and my uterus stretches, my internal organs get mushed in order to make room for her growth. I think baby Mia must have found one or both of my lungs to be a comfy pillow for her feet (maybe hers are swollen too)? Either way, it was a shock to say the least. I have heard of this happening, but mostly it's when hands and feet have no where to move in the uterus and end up kicking the mother's ribcage so I guess I'm grateful I was just mildly asphyiated rather than painfully kicked in the ribs. Something else my husband told me in his semi-awake state was that I was not sleeping on the pregnancy-regulated left side, but I was in fact flat on my back. I used to really love sleeping on my back. I always felt so comfortable in my room, with blackout shades so absolutely no light gets in, sleeping with my arms to my side, flat on my back. My husband often calls me his little vampire. Sometime during the night, I must have rolled over mid-drool, causing all of my massive weight to crush down on baby, lungs and everything else. So, for now on, my husband has agreed to roll me over if he sees me heading in the now dangerous direction of sleeping on my back. No more Dracula for me.

I still can't imagine how much bigger little Mia is going to get what with things like my heart, lungs, liver and kidneys in the way. It's truly amazing how a woman's body plans for and executes moving everything around in order to accommodate a 9-month visitor. I'm going to go sleep tonight and TRY not to rock and roll. Just breathe...

Independent Mia!

July 2, 2009



6 1/2 months pregnant



Tomorrow is a company holiday for me since Saturday is the 4th of July---Independence Day. I've been thinking a lot about independence not for my country but for me. I'm eating while I'm write this. Eating and typing, let's just say is not the best idea, combine clumsiness as another pregnancy sympton and you now have a perfect storm. As I look down at the shelf formally known as my stomach, I realize that in just a few months what is inside my growing tummy will be on the outside with the rest of us as a living, breathing baby. A baby who will be utterly dependent on me. A baby who can't live without my constant round-the-clock care.

Soon, gone will be the days of sleeping in, taking off at a moment's notice to go away on vacation, making last minute hair/nails appointments or doing anything last minute for that matter. I'm going to be losing MY independence and giving myself over to someone who, although tiny, will require all of my time and energy.

I never have enough energy, not even to do the most basic things. With that said, I always make time for grooming such as a weekly blowdry and manicure/pedicure appointments. I really look forward to these things and sometimes, when he's in a good mood (or has done something wrong), I can even drag my husband with me to get his nails/toes done so we end up spending some quality time together. These moments were MY time. I now wonder if I will be able to take a sleeping Mia with me to these appointments. Of course I know that a Mia who sleeps on command is a fantasy, especially as she gets older but just how long am I supposed to go without getting my hair colored?
I've seen women who have let themselves go after having children because they don't make ME time. I refuse to let that be me. Thankfully, I have a huge support system in place so hopefully, in between breastfeedings, I can go out for a short trip to the salon. Either that or bring the salon to me at home. Hmm. Now THAT sounds like a fantasy too.

Stretching Mia

June 29th, 2009
6 1/2 months pregnant

I never considered myself a ticklish person. Whenever an attempt to tickle me was made say on my feet for example, I would normally squirm away from the offender (my husband), and complain that I was more annoyed than full of laughter.

Lately, I've been scratching....My belly, my hands, my feet. I'm one itchy individual. I'm not ticklish. I'm just itchy. To me, to be ticklish conjures up all kinds of childhood memories where playground antics sometimes ended up with me or friends of mine on the ground in a huge "tickle pile". Sometimes we would laugh and sometimes, more often than not I would walk away feeling betrayed thinking "how could my friends tickle to death?" I would laugh occasionally but those times were definitely the exception and not the rule.

Since my skin is quite literally stretching before my very eyes, it's become taut and therefore, very, very itchy. I know I'm not supposed to scratch, especially my belly for fear of agitating my skin and creating those dreaded stretch marks, but I can't help myself. Anyone who questions the theory of evolution, only needs to look at me while I'm scratching to find a grown woman looking very ape-like, as she scratches the front and sides of her belly. All I'm missing is the banana. I feel like I'm addict. A scratching addict. When the itchy sensation begins, I simply MUST scratch. I've been able to scratch in secret for the most part but recently I've been caught a few times mid-scratch.

Over the weekend, we attended a birthday party for my stepmother and less than hour after we arrived, I started to feel a familiar itchy sensation but this time, it was on the bottom of my feet. I'm not sure if anyone reading this blog can comprehend how completely uncomfortable it is to be at a party and have itchy feet! Nothing quite prepared me for just how annoying it is. The urge to scratch was overwhelming. Needless to say, we left early.

Another thing I'm noticing is that along with the itchy skin that comes from stretching and swelling, some of my fingertips are numb. Even as I type this I'm having to use my index fingers to type, one letter at a time because the tips of my middle fingers are still numb. Not sure what this is all about but according to "What To Expect When You're Expecting", numbness due to swelling is totally normal. I just thought that after extensively shaking my fingers, the numbness might go away. Alas, no.

It's hard to even believe that I still have 3 months left of this. I can't wait to see what's next. Until something new develops, I guess I'll continue to be numb and itchy and imagine where my daughter has decided to position herself today....

Swinging Mia

June 23, 2009
25 Weeks pregnant

I have lived in my condominium for 7 years, even before I was married. Before living in the condo, I lived in a small one-bedroom apartment where I wasn't allowed to do anything to change the um "aesthetic". I couldn't paint the walls with anything other than the putty-puke color that was already there. When light streamed through the windows and bounced off of the dull grey carpet, you would swear the building was a re-furbished insane asylum and my apartment was the electric-shock room ground zero. Since I consider myself a creative person, when I finally bought a home of my own, I went hog-wild. I painted each room a different shade with pops of red and black throughout. I have adorned the couches with beautiful throw-pillows that are reminiscent of those you would find in a Chinese Emperor's palace (or, at least I think you would). With the help of my decorator mom, I had custom built-in banquets and window seats created. I have always wanted a place that I could transform into a beautiful oasis, which I did.

Since I am now pregnant, my mother has been transforming our former office/guest room into the most precious baby nursery in the world. It's black, hot pink and baby pink. Of course, I would like it to be even more of an edgy, rock-n-roll baby room, emphasis on "edgy", but my mom has included a fair share of "baby pink" so to anyone who might stumble upon this space, they will definitely see a little girl's room. The room is small but then again, Mia will be small for a while too. My mom found the most comfortable rocking chair in the world, complete with a matching ottoman that are both a little large but completely worth it, if for nothing more than the shear comfort factor. When all is said and done, the room will be a perfect and functional space for our little girl.

Over the weekend, some friends of ours brought over our very first baby gift, an adorable pink swing. The swing comes with a hanging mobile, music, nature sounds, and with flick of a button, it can swing either side-to-side or back-to-front. We tried to put in the baby room but realized very early on, the room is a little too small so we moved it by the window in the living room. Even though the living room has always been the more formal space in our condo, if there is such a thing, Mia's belongings are now starting to take over. The reality of this is overwhelming. In just 3 short months, we will have a living, breathing Mia swinging in our living room. I have to admit that I have been a little nervous about our impending arrival because I know our lives are going to change drastically. Even though it sticks out like a sore a thumb in our internationally-decorated living room, this swing represents change and a new future. I just wish they would make swings like this for adults because it looks so comfortable and I can really use a good night's sleep...

Forgetting Lana Falana

June 19th, 2009
6 months pregnant

As I inch closer and closer to the date of my personal pregnancy end-game, October 7th, some of the obscure things going on with my body and mind are no longer ceasing to amaze me, which is either great or downright frightening. I've now started to count things as notches on my invisible belt, since I no longer have a waist to speak of. The strange brownish line running down my belly is not bizarre anymore it's just another notch on what seems to be an endless pregnancy chain. Just what is it about the taste of grilled artichokes that has me feeling queasy now when they used to be something I thoroughly enjoyed? Another notch. I have been really been doing well with the whole "notch system" because as I go through this journey, I've been able to put order in a world where order seems to be absent---That is until the events of last night shattered my very being and made me question just what type of mother am I going to be?

Our dog Lana is a mix, part Rhodesian Ridgeback, part Lab and part Cujo. At the risk of sounding preachy, I rescued her through an organization because I don't believe in buying dogs when so many dogs are in need of homes because of abuse they have suffered. Lana, was such a dog. Because Lana has a fear of loud sounds from motor-cycles primarily, I have always had the distinct impression that Lana came from the home of a motorcycle-rider--a Hell's Angels-type from Pacoima who kept her outdoors 24 hours a day, chained her to a tree and forced to act as a guard dog for his large supply of Marijuana plants. Subsequently, when we adopted Lana she's unlike any dog I've ever known. She absolutely HATES going outdoors, even to pee. Trying to gently encourage her to go out for her daily walks is the equivalent to trying to wake a sleepy teenager for school. It takes a lot of patience to say the least. She also hates to be alone but since I'm now pregnant, we've had to switch gears and really buckle down with Lana in order to make sure she'll be ok when Mia arrives. We have been giving her extensive training lessons, and doggie Prozac, which seems to be helping her quite a bit. She's still Lana, just a more mellow version.

My husband, Danny and I both work during the day, a fact that is not lost on Lana. We have been very fortunate in that my husband's parents have graciously offered to keep Lana at their home a couple of days a week. Not only do they live on the way to my office, they have a lovely backyard for Lana to run around in, as well as two dogs of their own. From what I understand, Lana spends her days lounging outside on the grass by their pool and occasionally rises for play time and food. It's a great comfort knowing my dog is being taken care of in such a wonderful way. It makes me less guilty when I have to leave her there because I know she is in good hands, and most importantly that she's being loved.

This leads me to the events of yesterday evening. On Thursdays, I dilligantly drive Lana over Laurel Canyon to the Valley where I work, pausing only to drop her off at my In-Laws. Danny and I take turns picking her up depending on what time I'm able to leave work versus when he is able to leave. Yesterday, Danny and I had a rather lengthy conversation during which I agreed to pick up Lana from my In-Laws.

I had a lovely drive home. I spoke on the phone most of the time with my friend, Valerie and laughed while Mia was kicking me in the belly. There was very little traffic and I arrived home in just under 25 minutes.

My stepmother and husband were standing in front of our building so I drove up and said "hi"! Then, Danny looked somewhat concerned and asked me where Lana was. I FORGOT to pick up Lana! I FORGOT! Like she wasn't even a thought in my mind! I couldn't believe it! As I said, I'm a person who needs order in her life. I'm not a person who forgets their doggie! Of course, I panicked but then Danny reminded me that she was at his parents house, not at the Hell's Angel's house so I took a breath. He also told me that forgetfulness is a common pregnancy side-effect because he too, has been sucked into the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" vortex. He kindly suggested I get out of the car so he could get in and pick up our dog. I did as he said while hyperventalting and then ran upstairs to consult the book and indeed, forgetfulness is a real sympton of pregnancy. This did put my mind at ease for a moment but it did make me think. For all intesive purposes, Lana is our child. What if I'm that person who forgets their child somewhere? What if I'm the woman you see on the news in handcuffs because I can't remember where I left my daughter? These are very scary thoughts to have but since now I'm going to be glued to my daughter for the rest of her life, I guess I won't have to worry about forgetting her and nobody will have to see my disturbing mugshot on Perez Hilton's mugshot hall-of-fame.

Sex and the Mia

June 18th, 2009
6 months pregnant

With science being so advanced and people's imaginations growing more each day, the possibilities of becoming a parent through non-traditional means is almost endless. Invitro-fertilization, fertility drugs such as Clomid, surrogacy, sperm donors and adoption are just a few of the ways.

However, in order to get pregnant the "old-fashioned" way, two people have sex. Presumably, the sex is a fun and loving experience and if the pregnancy gods are awake, one might end up with child.

There are a few people reading this blog who I’m sure do not want to put me + sex in the same sentence but it is a fact (mom & dad) that when I fell in love with Danny, sex did happen.

Since I’ve become pregnant, sex has become less a fun romp or “roll in the hay” if you will and more of an exercise in patience and tenacity. As I become larger, my belly gets wider and lower and I’m starting to feel Mia move a lot causing me to realize more and more that there is an actual living being inside of me. Therefore, when it comes to making love some of the most basic positions are downright IMPOSSIBLE. Missionary—OUT. Girl on top---OUT. Nobody ever really goes into the logistics because this is supposed to be an interlude between two consenting adults. In all of the books I’ve either been given or bought, nowhere does it mention the need to literally stand on my head in order to do what came quite naturally to us before I was a swollen mess. I became lightheaded and suffered what I’m very sure is a mild form of whiplash during our last encounter.

Trying to extract one ounce of pleasure from something that, in it’s very nature is supposed to be pleasurable has become more and more difficult. I’m not a particularly limber person nor have I ever been into Yoga but I would bet a million dollars that if someone saw what goes on in our bedroom, I would look like an Olympic gymnast—an Olympic gymnast with a huge belly and swollen feet. The acrobatics and tumbling that goes on and most important, the sheer laughter could really be pulled from a bad tv sitcom—only the sitcom would be on HBO because it would have to be R-rated.

Material Mia!

June 16th, 2009
23 Weeks pregnant

In a world where few things remain the same, I can always count on my feet to swell to monstrous proportions during the day due to my pregnancy. I was told not to buy new shoes because my feet might actually grow a size larger and stay that way permanently. I hope this permanent situation only applies to feet because my butt and thighs are getting larger and larger by the week and I don’t think they’re making postnatal clothing large enough to accommodate them.

I love to shop. Those who know me know I love to shop online particularly. I tend to buy higher-end clothing from websites like shopbop.com and revolveclothing.com. I was happy to buy the latest and greatest fashions because it just felt right. I’m not one of these people who has the patience to shop for a bargain. That was, until I started to expand due to my growing little one. No matter how hard I try, I will never look fashionable in yoga pants, a peasant top and flip-flops. God knows, I've tried. I’ve even visited and actually purchased maternity clothes from Old Navy! My how times have changed. My online shopping had been put to an almost stand-still since I no longer can fit into the skinny jeans that are in fashion right now. My husband, Danny is not unhappy about this latest pregnancy development because, as he puts it, “we can now pay our mortgage” so I guess it isn’t so bad. However, much to Danny's dismay I have managed to find a light at the end of this fashion less tunnel. I have found a new outlet for my shopping problem, my future daughter.

I’m being given a baby shower so therefore, I simply had to register—online, of course! The old me headed right for Kitson Kids online because any reason to shop at a Kitson is good one. I live around the corner from one of the hottest streets in Los Angeles, Robertson Blvd. Every high-end baby boutique is there. All ripe for my picking. I could literally lose myself in Lisa Kline Kids because they have the most adorable and over priced tutus on the planet! Well, the new me had to step in and intervene when I was actually seriously thinking of buying a $98.00 bedazzled onesie. So, I did some asking around and I was told Babies R Us is the go-to place to get the most important and necessary items I’ll need to properly care for our baby. So, being the ever eager-beaver, I went online to Babies R Us and registered. I’m not sure if I missed something but when I typed into the search space, “car seats”, about 500 came up. Um, maybe it’s me but how the hell am I supposed to choose which is the greatest car seat from the 500 on this website? My friends, who are now parents tell me I have to research and do some price-comparing in order to find the car seat that works best for me. I think the universe is off because to have to take the time to research and price compare totally defeats the purpose of simply clicking “purchase now” with my computer mouse. I don’t do “price comparison”. It’s simply too time consuming. The only time I paused was when I searched for strollers and found out there is a stroller that sells for $1000.00! Now, far be it from me to look at that as something bad but since I’m registering for this and since I want people to actually come to my shower, I don't want to offend anyone by registering for something that extravagant. Besides, does one really need a $1000.00 stroller? I think I could make much better use of a Gucci diaper bag anyway.

The Sounds of Silence

6/14/09

23 Weeks pregnant

I'm learning a lot about the human body and what, as a woman I'm capable of. The miracle of life is really just that but with all miracles, sometimes there are strange and baffling elements that surround it.

A pregnant woman's best friend or worst nightmare depending on how you look at it is a book called "What to Expect When You're Expecting". On one hand, it's a wonderful source of knowledge for all of the little unexpected things that come up while one is pregnant. On the other hand, it's a hypochondriac's heroin. As I mentioned in my earlier post, my legs & feet have swollen up to water-flipper-like consistency so I naturally turned to the "good book" and realized that along with it being perfectly normal, I could also have severe liver damage or high blood pressure associated with a somewhat scary disease called preeclampsia. My poor doctor has endured countless calls because I'm convinced my liver is toxic. No matter how often he sees me. No matter how often he assures me I'm fine. Nope. I'm not hearing any of it. I'm going to die.

My husband, Danny knows I'm extremely neurotic but he still loves me anyway. It's easy to forget about the husband when the wife is with child because as a man, he can't possibly relate to what I'm going through. That is until Apple invented the IPhone. In addition to all of the usual advantages like phone, video download, ITunes, Internet access, the IPhone has other amazing capabilities that allows the user to download applications such as IPregnancy, where we can literally track our babies progression on weekly basis. It was clearly invented for a man's use because most woman will tell you that trying to type on it if you have any nails whatsoever is frustrating to say the least but I digress.

Among the more unusual pregnancy symptoms I've now become somewhat used to, is waking up on wet pillow cases. A woman's body temperature during pregnancy can skyrocket, especially at night. I wish I could say that sweating profusely was my only issue. It now appears that I drool. I drool like a rabid dog while I'm asleep. I wake up and along with wiping the sweat away from the back of my neck, I also have to wipe the saliva away from my very wet lips. I have never been a drooler not even when I took to falling asleep during Geometry class on daily basis so to drool, like a baby seems a little unnecessary. Although, I would take drooling over Shrek-feet any day. I'm lucky, I guess because I'm blessed with both. Oh joy. I did consult "the book" and excess saliva is apparently a very real and normal side effect.

Right below the excess saliva description in "What to Expect When

You're Expecting" is another dandy side-effect, Snoring. For weeks my

husband has been telling me that I've been snoring like an old man. I, of

course have denied this because I NEVER snored. In fact, Danny is the snorer in the family. There have been many-a-night where I've been awake, tossing & turning and staring at him, pondering whether or not to smother him with my pillow because he snores so loudly. Since murder is not an option I have created a system that allows me to sleep more peacefully. I simply put MY pillow over my head and that seems to muffle the sound. So when Danny told me that I'm now snoring and keeping him up at night, I thought he had nerve. That is until he played me an audio tape he took with his handy IPhone. At first, I thought he taped himself snoring because it did sound like an old man, but alas, it was me. So now, I'm a sweaty drooler who snores. What a turn-on I must be to my husband. It's all about the miracle of life I guess....

The Howard Stern Dilemma

6/12/09
5 1/2 months pregnant

There are very few things I'm passionate about. My husband, my dog a really good piece of thin-crust pizza and of course, Howard Stern. Don't ask me why. I don't fall into that "I'm a woman and he objectifies women" category that so many of my gender tend to be a part of. I really feel that if these women would actually listen to him once in a while they would find like me, that he's extremely intelligent and hilarious!

I have been an avid Howard Stern listener for years but since I've become pregnant my husband has reminded me almost weekly that once the baby comes I will no longer be able to listen to him while she's in the room at the risk of her hearing something that might be construed as offensive. As if by some miracle, our baby will be born with those Lindsay Wagoner "Bionic Woman" super-ears that come not only with the ability to hear everything everywhere, but have the added feature of allowing her to understand complex thoughts and sentences at birth. Furthermore, even if I do give birth to such a child, wouldn't it help her to be more aware---to initiate her if you will into a world that might contain the occasional curse word or flash of nudity?
Assuming she won't be able to understand one thing he says for at least the first few years of her life, must I be deprived of Howard Stern?

I think my Howard Stern anxiety came to a boil last night when I had the most intense dream. I have read that during pregnancy, dreams can be much more vivid. Last night I dreamt it was the end of the world but for some reason I was stuck in a New York City pizza parlour with none other than Howard Stern himself! Well, I was actually there with, Howard, his wife, members of his posse and his infant child. Now, any Howard Stern-listener knows that Howard has been adamant about NOT having another child so seeing one in my dream was strange. It was the end of the world and all I wanted to do was run. So I did just like Forrest Gump. Even in my dream I was out of shape because by the time I was a block away I was huffing & puffing like I just ran a marathon. I got up to the top of the block and saw a missile headed straight towards me so I ran back to the pizza restaurant where Howard & crew were huddled, of course he was in a private roped-off area. I saw his baby was crying so I picked her up. She was a beautiful child with bright blue eyes. I was wearing a hideous jean jacket--something I would NEVER wear if my life depended on it. Just as I lifted the crying baby, she peed on me! I then tried to find Howard to give him back his little girl but he wouldn't take her back. So now I'm stuck with the end of the world approaching, wearing an atrocious jean jacket and holding Howard Stern's pee-aholic baby and that's when I wake up.

Mamma Mia!

6/11/09
Week 22 (5 ½ months)

I have been holding off writing down the numerous changes going on with my body since my thinking was by actually committing them to paper meant that I was really pregnant, a fact that I have been denying to myself for quite sometime. Even though I haven't been able to fit into my fabulously stylish clothes for 3 months, I still felt that I wasn’t pregnant. This had been the case until a few days ago when I indulged in some homemade chocolate chip cookies and I felt Mia move! I wasn’t sure at first what I was feeling but when I took a bite of the cookie, I saw my belly rise. I believe I might be carrying a future chocoholic! Who knew? Does this mean I should continue to eat cookies all the time?

My feet have decided to morph into bread-like loaves. From the waist down I look like Shrek, literally. From what I’ve been reading, the swelling, as the professionals call it, edema is not supposed to happen until the last trimester. What the hell? Because my feet & legs are the biggest at the end of the day, I’ve been elevating them on 3 pillows. I have built what I believe is a fairly helpful elevating system that resides underneath the blankets of our too-small bed. The problem is, in the middle of the night, the top pillow tends to fall down and gets lodged between the bed and the sheet so I end up with my legs & feet level, totally defeating the purpose. I also end up freezing cold because I no longer have any sheets or blankets due the fact they get stuck underneath the fallen pillow. I’m then forced to wake up at 3:00am and re-make the bed which my husband, Danny just loves. I guess he’d better get used to waking up in the middle of the night anyway right? So, after I make the bed and organize all of my pillows and shift my arms up above my head so my hands won't swell and put my legs up and turn to sleep on the left-side because that's how you're supposed to sleep when you're pregnant, just when I’m finally semi-comfortable I have to pee.

To pee or not to pee. The constant need to pee, much like breathing has become ALMOST routine. I say almost because one never quite gets used to the four-time-a night urges. Last night our adorable dog, Lana decided to get up and want to play. She’s been waking up in the middle of the night a lot lately. I’m sure it’s because she senses a change is coming. We moved Danny’s desk into our bedroom and the backroom is becoming more and more "babified". Lana is now relegated to either our bedroom or the living room of our cozy 2-bedroom condo. Once Danny calms her down and she’s finally asleep, inevitably I have to get up to go to the bathroom. I’ve been trying to literally tip-toe around because god forbid I should wake up the dog.

Last night, I had to get up to pee. As I moved I jostled the blankets which alerted Lana, who woke up and bounced over to my side of the bed with her tail wagging like she was getting ready to run. I almost tripped over her as I waddled toward he restroom. When I finally came back to bed I noticed Lana sprawled out on my side of the bed. So now Danny and Lana are blissfully asleep while I'm trying to carefully maneuver my way back to how I was BP (before pee). Apparently, there is only room for one woman in this bed. After carefully moving her to the middle I began the arduous task of reassembling the pillows...Again!